How the Fans Stole the 6th Book
by Backroads
Summary: In the tradition of How the Grinch Stole Christmas... how far will fans go to keep a beloved book series from ending?


_This actually kind of represents some of my own feelings about the series ending. _

_Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, anything J.K. related, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, anything involving Dr.Suess in anyway, E-bay, or Star Wars._

* * *

Every fan

In Potter fandom

Was all into Harry...

But SOME fans

Liked the book so much,

It was SCARY!

They loved Rowling''s work!

Every plot twist and surprise!

They analyzed characters for villains in disguise.

They wrote fanfiction, they compounded theories

To reveal their mad ideas and ends to the series.

They loved all of it, all the magic and wonder.

But I'm afraid that was the key to their blunder.

For,

All their liking,

Of Harry and Co.,

And imagining possibilities for Rowling to show

They thought waiting was comfortable, so full of hoping

Joy can be found in anticipation and moping.

Even though they technically wanted Jo the 6th book to send

The truth was, sadly, they didn't want it to end.

So even though they rejoiced when Book 6 was announced

For July 16, no less, the perfect time to pounce,

Inwardly they growled, and their dreams shook

For they'd read _Half-Blood Prince,_ no doubt to be a good book.

But then Number7...

Would be the last one!

And all would be over, Harry's adventures all done.

And then! On, the Angst! Oh, the Angst! Angst! Angst! Angst!

That's what they would feel! The ANGST! ANGST! ANGST! ANGST!

There would be nothing, nothing to read.

Nothing to think, nothing on Mugglenet to see.

Nothing to think, feel, hope, or read!

How horrible, no place for imagination to feed.

To all wrap up after a seven-book deed.

Oh no!

Voldemort would die, maybe Harry as well.

Such known endings, for true fans, were pure hell.

Would Hermione pick Ron or Harry? They'd prefer not to know.

Those shipping wars were simply too much fun to end so.

No fighting, no fighting,

No fighting theory fights to be fighting.

No death predictions or possible twists fighting.

Because 6 or 7 might have a true fact sighting.

The fans' dreams of forever Harry couldn't be given up now.

They had to keep the series from ending!

...But HOW?

Then they got an idea!

An awful idea!

The fans

GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!

"We know just what to do!" The fans shouted with glee,

"To keep around Hogwarts and the Whomping Willow Tree."

Such logic they had, so much better than a rant:

"If Book 6 doesn't come, then the 7th one can't!"

"All we need is an address

To the publishing place.

And in case security comes, we'll also bring a mace."

Can guards stop rabid fans?

No! The fans were too bad

To give into any writers or cops bent on making them sad.

They checked to make sure in wizards' robes they were clad,

And they summoned their brooms––obsessive? Only a tad.

THEN

They gathered some matches,

And a Voldemort mask,

And hopped on their brooms

Anticipating their task.

Then the fans cried "Wingardium Leviosa!"

Like it would actually work,

And they jumped off the roof.

Yes, it did hurt.

So to the publishers they ran all the way.

No one was there, thank goodness, for it wasn't day.

They didn't use alohamora on the locks when hairpin worked okay.

"Now to find the manuscript," The Potter fans hissed

As they raced through the halls, matches clenched in their fists.

Straight to where the book was being done they ran,

For a corridor labyrinth couldn't phase a true fan.

They got lost only once, for a moment or three

Then a sign reading _Half-Blood Prince_ they did see.

In a room all shiny, with illustration sketches in a row.

"That cover art," they said."Is the first thing to go."

They pulled out the matches and the mace, but paused for a second.

Sketches would be worth a fortune on E-bay, they reckoned.

Harry! Hermione! Draco! Ginny!

Dumbledore! Cho Chang! Ron Weasley!

Illustrations of all of them and more they hid

Till cover and chapter art was ready for bid.

Then they skulked to the printer, they took every page.

All references to magic. Every mention of a mage.

Then they pulled out the matches and set the book afire,

And Harry's adventures were but a flame to admire.

As magic and morals crumbled into ash,

They pushed over equipment with one big crash!

And the fans grabbed some water, and started to douse their act,

When they heard a loud sound like the screech of a cat.

They turned around fast and guess who they saw?

Joanne Rowling, staring in awe.

The fans had been caught by this marvelous author,

So they raised up their hands and waited for the slaughter.

She stared at the fans and said "Who the heck are you?

Taking hold of my spaceship on my way to Naboo?"

Those fans just kind of blinked, then resisted any mocking

When they realized Rowling was simply sleepwalking.

Quite a scary thing, considering she wasn't at home.

But it is amazing how far sleepwalkers can roam.

"Star Wars," they said. "Are to be fought out there,

So we'd like to use your ship, if you're willing to share."

And this satisfied Jo, and she muttered something about Vader.

And the fans only thought about autographs much later.

When Rowling wandered out, still soundly asleep.

They finished up and slipped out, not making a peep.

They last thing they burnt was the bookbinding kit,

Knowing full-well Potter bookbinders would throw a fit.

And they tossed ashes and embers all through the hall

The remains of Pansy, Draco, and Slytherins all!

And the one half page

Left in the room

Didn't leave enough clues to Harry''s doom.

For

They had destroyed

Future story and ideas

Shoving all

Development

Into a void.

It was a quarter past six

No publishers or editors yet

Security guards sleeping

The printing room all wet

When the fans headed out the door, after such destruction.

Rejoicing that their own dreams now could fully function.

They ran all the miles back to their own place

So thrilled they had been able to defend their case.

"The series will never end now!" they happily sang,

"Hope and anticipation won't be dumped down the drain.

The media will discover just what we've done.

Others fans will understand from where our desire had sprung!

And all Potter Fans will cry "'We've Won!'"

"That's a shout," grinned the fans,

"We simply must hear!"

So they paused, and they put their hands to their ears.

And they did hear a sound, from the TV in the den.

The voice of a small-news guy on CNN.

But the guy sounded mad!

Not at all happy!

It couldn't be so;

CNN wasn't so sappy.

They rushed to the screen!

The fans popped their eyes!

Then they shook!

What they heard was a shocking surprise!

"_The Half-Blood Prince_ book, sadly, has gone up in smoke.

Whomever did it, I would love to choke.

But world, don't panic.

JK isn't sloppy.

You see, of course, she kept a copy."

And the fans, so irritated and irked,

Cursed the heavens and this ironic quirk.

The book was still coming, the seventh in a few years.

They really would have to shed those tears.

And they whined three hours, it was all they could do.

Then they thought of something that just might be true.

"Maybe it's not so bad," they said, "for the books to be through.

We like the happiness they bring us, and the excitement, too."

And what happened then...?

Well... in fandom they say

That those fans finally

Celebrated in the day

That they could read all seven books, the entire story,

And love it all in it's wonder and glory.

Appreciate all the creativity that they did bring.

And despite a real ending...

Not regret a thing.

_**The End!**_


End file.
